Squealing Pain v/s beautiful smile ?????

I was in office remembering the old childhood days and the moments I had with my friends. I was slightly smiling when I remembered the silly moments I spent with my silly friends. Few faces really made me feel superior that moment when I had nothing hectic to do at work. I remember one of my friends particularly. I have really missed her after all these ages.

She is a beautiful woman now. Her brown sparkling skin can attract anyone. Her small peanut like eyes has dreams that she never shared. She stands tall enough to make people feel uneasy standing next to her. Yes’ she is indeed a beautiful woman now.

I had her number; I was thinking to meet her as there is the connection of so called feeling between us though we hardly meet in front of the people. I dialed her number crossing my fingers and biting the pen at the same time.

Hello; someone answered.

Can I speak to Yangla please; name changed.

Woman in the phone told me to stay on the line….but I heard the footsteps and the words they were having in there through the phone.

Hello; (it was her)

Hey it’s me lhamo! How are you? I was thinking to meet you personally since it’s been like years we have not met. What you say?

She accepted and she was very soft through the phone. I can feel the words she was trying to say. But I convinced her to meet me. She agreed. And we decided to meet at Boudha right after half an hour.

I left from work to the place we decided to meet. I was walking to boudha, when I received a call from a number I didn’t recognize and it was her. She told me that she was right in front of the Double Dorjee restaurant of phulbari. I took the bigger steps to avoid the irritation of making her wait. When I got there, I saw someone looking at me and that was her. Oh my goodness, she was looking flawless with the same skin. She looked even more beautiful to me. She was there standing next to the wholesale shop, with the white top which covered her looking very decent with the jeans that made her figure go crazy as always. And the black heel in fact looked flying on her. She had shorter hair like the actress Kajol had in the movie called ‘Dushman’ if I am not wrong. All and all she was looking remarkable.

She looked at me and said; lhamo rang pey change chakduk (you have changed a lot)

Trying to be modest I said with a smile without fakeness; really have I?

She didn’t say much nor did I, but only god knew the truth that I really tremendously pleased to have a look at her and get to see her in such a good condition.

We made our way to the garden kitchen restaurant which is just like fifteen steps from the Double Dorjee restaurant. We entered in and we were welcomed by the normal brown menu on the table. She asked for a coffee where as I ordered for an ice lemon tea.

We were both silent for a while and didn’t know where to start the conversation. We were facing each other on the table which was big enough for six people I guess. She looked at me with a smile and asked; how is work lhamo?

Work is fine. But sometimes it gets hectic no matter how much I try my best to make it go at ease.

She again added; its good lhamo that you are working and you have a work that keeps your mind busy. Busy mind is better lhamo.

I was trying to understand the meaning to the words she impressively saying in a slow motion in something else and flicking the ring of her middle finger frequently.

Our tea and lemon ice tea were served. Adding the sugar in the coffee she looked at me again and smiled. I smiled back. I was thinking of a way to make her feel comfortable enough so that she can share more of her words with me.

She added two table spoon of sugar and was stirring gently. I asked her if she was in touch with other school friends. Her answer was same like mine. Yea sometimes I get the glimpse of some of friends who vanishes like a wind.

I dipped the straw  the in glass, hit the ice with it and taking sip of the lemon tea, I asked her if she remember one of the moment back to our teenage, when we are in ‘city café’ where  you once said;

Lhamo, since you write your journal every day, do you mind writing about me in your diary so that you can keep this memory to remember what I went through and you can witnessed this time. So I am thinking to write about it now. I don’t know what you will think about this. I am sorry if I sound like naïve but I think I should capture your experiences of life though my words. Please if you do not mind.

I saw her eyes wide opened, she took a minute to think and giggled. That was little bit sarcastic.

I acted as if nothing was wrong about my approach. She looked at me and said; let me hear you when you finished it. I was like oh my god, I was happy but I failed to show my happiness. I was thinking that very moment what I will write, how will I start the story? God that was crazy.

She was trying to smile throughout the conversation but there was something wrong which I was not aware. Bewildered in my seat I asked her taking the chance to know more; how is life? She laughed, and with a fake smile she replied to me, “Life has never been nice to me. And I don’t expect anything now”.

Playing with the ring she said; what do you expect from a life of a single mother lhamo?

Life is really hard. It’s harder when people you love from heart do not understands and support. She told me that she was in relation with a guy who was really good looking. She said that she really loved him to death so she decided to tell the guy about her son and first husband. She said it was all going fine, but then whenever they had tiny quarrels over any matter , they guy would come up to her revealing her healed wound. He always made her felt like a cheap wrench which she was not in any case.

She was full of tears in the instant she uttered his name when I asked. I saw her love for the filthy guy who was not worthy for the love that she squealed with each drop of priceless tears. I was speechless. I didn’t get right way to raise her lonely spirits by heart. I couldn’t find the right word to say. Damn I hated that.  I was so naïve.

I asked her again; what if he again comes back to your life?

She smiled and with a gentle touch at her eyes making people unaware that she was dropping tears, she said; he won’t come back. I love him dearly, lhamo this is a truth. And I am a single mother which is inerasable truth. so I think, these two truth of my life will not get along. The more I think about these truths, I get more distressed. So I am just living a life now. I hope you understand me lhamo.

I was very much touched by her words and her life. She is beautiful which is not a doubt for any eyes whoever gets a glimpse of her. But I was wondering if the truth of her life makes this beauty go in vain.

I was very much worried though I didn’t show her. With my positive words, I made her happy by saying; dear, the person you love who doesn’t cherish your love means he is not the right person to be cherished.

There is someone else for you and I am sure about this dear. Just take a time off from all those ill feelings and get a life for yourself. You are beautiful and strong, all you need is that you have to realize that you are brave and that’s all. See tomorrow morning is going to be a new morning with new opinion. If you want people to change their thinking, first change your life. Then there will be a Change in your confidence which will persuade your life to happiness.

 Our tea and lemon tea were left cold.  We finished our words and it was dawn by the time. She told me that she had to go somewhere and I had to go to visit my dentist too. We left from there and departed with a wave to meet again to talk with so much of true feelings. she smiled back again before leaving which made me realized that her smile had never changed all that has changed is her life in a negative way which she was not responsible alone. She loved a man with her heart. Was that her mistake?

My Amala once told me when I was very young; Lhamo, being a girl means, taking the steps of life with well disciplined way. If a man turned into good from awkward world. He will always be greeted for his goodness that he has now. But whenever a girl makes a mistake, no matter how much she is better than any awkward men, she will always be annoyed for her single tiny mistake.

As I am writing this short story of a young beautiful woman who is going through the hardest time, I have a questions within me, I want to include here in my conclusion; Did she put up a mistake by falling in love? Did she make mistake in choosing the man? Will she ever be loved again like the last woman? Or will she ever find a man who can love her with her present?