i know what you did to my friend~

I found her wearing a brown sweatshirt with a black legging.  She was doing something with her cell phone by the corridor. Her short pumped hair lay lazily on her shoulder. I felt as there is something she wanted to share with me as she constantly kept asking her cousin to fetch a cup of tea for us. I felt glad seeing her after such a long time and I was there with her, that very moment. She was in bad state of mind I suppose. Worries were all I could see on her face.

How are you Lhamo?? She started holding back her hair from her face.

I am fine dear how are you zemala (beautiful)?? I asked back.

Good. Look at me. I am what you are seeing now.

Ani what is new going around??? She started again with an obvious question to continue the conversation.

‘Things are as same but the only unusual thing is that l I am few years older than I met you for the last time’. We both laughed…..

‘Yea you are right we are no more teenagers now, we are in different phase of life with more difficulties and I hate to face it because sometimes it becomes so annoying thinking over the issues I can’t change in any cost. This world is very selfish. No matter how much you try to beautify your life with positivity, people around you will drag you to the ground without a mercy and you are left with nothing’ she said scratching her hairs and all I could see was anger.

She laughed sarcastically and settled back her face which was in the state of dilemma. I was trying to chill with the moment, looking for a way to ease her. We both started recalling our old days and then there was a moment of silence where we both found ourselves searching for words to give continuity to our fine conversation.

This is actually a part of our life dear, so let it be. ‘So lady let me hear some good news about your life’. I asked her trying to conceal her stressed situation and I was plainly unknown of the reason behind her anger.

She laughed but said nothing.  She was playing with the splits of her hairs. I suppose she was trying to make herself calm down with the things where as I was making myself comfortable in getting the right direction of warm rays of the sun in the corridor and was setting the pillow to comfort my back leaning against the wall. We were sipping tea in the cold afternoon of winter; I was trying to see the view of the Kathmandu city in foggy day, just then I heard her asking me;

‘Do you want to know the reason behind my presence in Kathmandu???’ she sighed.

I couldn’t give any effortless answer; I didn’t utter a word and found myself in the state of diplomacy.

Well I met a decent looking guy in Bodhgaya who stays in Kathmandu and it was like a decent approach he came up with. A will to welcome a pinch of happiness in my life, I thought of letting myself know him. I decided to give a chance thinking its all only love that beautifies the life at the end. Was I wrong??? Lhamo, the possibility of meeting you and me and having this moment is the guy I met in Bodhgaya. I actually came all the way from India just to meet this decent looking guy. She laughed but I noticed a disappointed face.

We split this early morning before your arrival, how cool is that?

But why???  The sudden question that popped out from me.

He said he heard about my past and for this reason he wanted a breakup and it’s all finished now.

Tyau,  Past?? Everyone has past. It sounds as if he is showered with milk every day. By the way, didn’t you mention about your past to him at the very beginning of your relation?

Yes I confessed everything related to me when we were seeing each other in India. And it was fine till yesterday.

How unnatural is that???

He said it’s finished after having all those moments with you. This is going against the feelings of person now and you call him a decent looking guy. He doesn’t have anything decent when he doesn’t know how to respect a woman’s heart. chya. I was really pissed hearing about the guy.

There was then a silent environment for both of us, again. I seriously didn’t get the right way to comfort her and myself.

I recently heard from a friend of mine, that men believe that sex brings the love in the relation. So where is that love now? I know, of the fact that men eagerly buying pleasure in the downtown, so will this bring the love in them too?

My friend is back to India now. She is enjoying work and I want her to remain busy all the time. I still remember the last word she said, I can’t trust anyone now.

This is how it goes in a way, the man never gets tired of making the woman believe how much he loves her when she seems tough, but when she begins to believe, all that the guy wants is to spend a night with her. when the guy succeed in his intention, the very next morning it’s the end of the relation, yes it’s another break up again. How insane is that? I wonder why guys think girls as the free gift beautifully wrapped with a ribbon on their bed. I seriously want to know why? May be I am being very fussy about the issue or I might look like getting involved for nothing and I even know that nothing is going to change after all. Anyhow after writing about it in my blog will somehow make me feel good as there is nowhere I can drop all these shits. It is going to heal me in a way since its bothering me from few days now and I really want to get rid of it by dropping the words here.

Hello and like Hyaaalllooooo!

So-called-wise and smart men around, if you are just thinking of getting a pleasure for a couple of hours, please proceed to the market, you can trade with money with your own choice and with a demand but please leave the good girls around, who holds the so called feelings in their heart which you might not get to trade with money.

May be it’s similar to women wanting a new shoes everyday and men wanting a new sex every day.

How true is that????

Time will heal the broken heart of a woman just like the time will heal his broken Arms and legs.

Hellooooooowww~

Om has thousands of meaning, one of them is WELCOME to GOD

when there is no one with me, i am happily staying home for hours and days.

I need no one actually, i love the company of my lappy and my room.

well someone said i should dream, i should feel good, i should do everything i want, and go everywhere i wish to, 

then a question provokes me, do i have time to get engaged with all these??

May be Yes, i am the Time myself,
if there isn't me, there isn't any second.
I should gather the long-lost courage and stand with what i was rather than staying home all long.

Cheers to the person for reminding me and here i walk the same road again.

Smile to Life~

~Life from A Different Angle~

Recently i did a Guestblogging in one of my Favorite blog.
The blogger is from India and his Blog is one of his personal blog and i do take out time to check his every post, Now that goes for a Drink, what say Akum???
I just thought to share the same post here in my Blog too...
Have Fun~

I was very much tired with the same office to home and home to office schedule. The monotonous days made me lazy enough not to step out with friends as I was seeing the same Kathmandu everyday so I thought to take a short trip to Dharan, very famous place of its own for its people and its beautiful tone of language.

There are many things I will remember about Dharan, the place, people, the food for obvious reason and it’s very different ambience for sure. The major reason will be the meeting with group of men that happened out of blue in the middle of the cramped place.

All of sudden, I saw few men of same age above 40 in the number of 5-6 working very hard together. I made myself inside the gate of the workshop when a young boy stood by me and asked ‘where I was heading’ looking at the camera in my hand.

“Well I just wanted to click some photographs if it is fine with everyone here”.

Are you a reporter? An average age man asked me from a window nearby.

Oh, no no no I am not a reporter, I was just walking by the way so I thought to get some photographs that’s it.

‘Alright get it done quickly, so that my workers can go back to work’ replied the man from the window.

I saw a serious man who was sweating so badly as if he was just out of shower. There was another man helping him out and his vest was completely wet, and it was all sweat. I made myself near the serious face and asked if I can click some photographs of him and his fellow workers.

He said he would mind if I post the photographs in a paper.

Giving my clarification in a jiffy I said; the photographs will remain safe with me, no newspapers and no magazine thing here. I am a normal person who only loves to capture some beautiful moments of life, very simple isn’t it?

This very day, I realized the taste of hard work. I realized the value of sweats. I realized how the human pushes oneself in a hardship just to have the three squares a day. 

man with the serious Face ~

back to work,,,

Their morning starts from the same location and same work. Heard about Time machine, but machine Men?????

The man who spoke that very moment and share his words~

He was the oldest if i remember ~

His was were all wet, but still manages to avoid it..

The last photograph of the day with the beautiful people~

~Smile to Life~

Man behind NePathya,

There is this man, i immensely appreciate for what he is.
He wears the Gandhian style Glass.
He writes and he sings well with amazing energy in him.
He is a Rock-Star. A Real Rock-Star.
I love the way he presents Comtemporary Nepal through his songs.
How i love the way he brings all the Fading away Nepali folk songs and keep them alive in his way and shares with us.


He is a traveler and a Photographer, i remember once i saw him with his camera long time ago.
May be for all this reason i love this Man "Amrit Gurung" and i remember my friend calling me insane for loving him...
I just love this man, how i wished to meet him once, since i have never seen him personally.
It was september 2010, I remember, myself dashing to the concert of Nepathya in Kamaladi Convection Hall in kathmandu with my dear friend paying the cheapest Ticket price of Rupees 500, just wishing to get a glimpse of him but too bad had to adjust from a distance seat.
After the show, i went to the exit gate in a jiffy escaping through the crowd,
but too bad again, missed it. All i saw was an irritating face of a security man.

He is the Man 'Amrit Gurung'

These are the only photographs from the show that i got from the distance.
Well, i do wish to meet the man, but wonder what will i say to him???
hello, i am your big fan~or
Hello, i love you and you are a Rock-star~or
Hey, i love your songs and i have done a post in my blog~
hahah this is funny,
But i do wish to see him Once...let's see~ will make you all know when i am go through the experience of meeting him.


~Smile To Life~

Tomorrow an inexperienced word ....

i love spending few minutes , inhaling the fresh air on the rooftop. The night Ambiance.

The only option I have is to smile. There is nothing I can do now. There is nothing that can bring any change. This is it. This is how it meant to be may be. Yes May be!

“We have to forget past and walk with a smooth pace for a better tomorrow” say easy going people who are happy apparently, how I wish if I could verbalize the same statement like them.

Waiting for tomorrow is hard for me. I don’t feel like seeing tomorrow. I don’t feel like tomorrow has anything good for me anymore. By the way, how can someone say tomorrow will appear as a better day when I have wasted many tomorrows which turned out to an identical unpleasant yesterdays. Someone, referring to myself wasted few years waiting for the better tomorrow which was nothing but only a fake consolation for an unfilled hope. Tomorrow, a deceiving word with an untaken hope.

25 years have passed already and I wouldn’t be wrong if I go by pronouncing someone is still holding on to the temporary hope. Shit why this again, why the same blank hope is winning a shelter in me. May be the invisible destination still alive within me, or maybe I am super confused about this and that or maybe I am naïve enough not to recognize the right way. Whatever it is I don’t want the hope to keep coming back chasing me time and again.

I shall overcome one day from everything that is bothering me. That day I dare not to turn back and utter a word but I think somehow the moments won’t be good enough to leave me peacefully. But have to move on, and move on with a strong heart to follow the ‘hopefully’ a better tomorrow and someday I can meet the better tomorrow, or am I complicating things around me by waiting since things are just very trouble-free, that is just to move on~~~ don’t know, if this is going to be easy for me giving up on tomorrow. 

The stars were Tired of seeing us from SKY, so they decided to share a night with us:

smile to Life~

an evening from my 365 days

I was walking down the way of Pokhara Lakeside all alone because my friends decided to eat at a Chinese and I suddenly couldn’t forced to sit at the table confronting a fish on our table. So I decided to take a walk instead, I just lost the appetite that very moment of seeing a fish finely decorated with some corianders, if I am not wrong but I don’t exactly what it was, all I could remember was the eyes of the fish and felt as it was staring at me.

It was the month of October, 5:32 exactly in the evening, I was tired of thinking over and over again about certain thing of my life which I can never change no matter what. I was tired indeed. My mind appealed me to take a rest.

All I could feel was the cool breeze around my neck and ears. My hairs were moving over my face. I was holding them back from face. The only shawl I had that moment gave me comfort to hide me from the cold. I took it once again and rolled myself to keep me warm for long. My arms wrapped around my knee and my chin resting on, all I could see was single boat fishing all alone as I was sitting there all alone watching it’s way of living.  Then I thought how we are similar in a way. The only difference is he is doing fishing for living and I was doing nothing. I was very confused. I was annoyed. I was lost and honestly I had forgotten how to dream. Why ???????? I didn’t know or I never wanted to converse about it with anyone rather than just buried them all deep inside me and I was happy with it though sometimes it was complicated to load them in heart for so long but have to adjust with the time and moment that you are breathing for. God! Am I paying high for taking this daily gulp of air or am I just living a normal human life which is full unwanted excitements. I felt like spitting all the things right there at the very moment then I found it’s not easy. No matter how much I try to conceal with my laughter and smile, I will always be faking myself and I know it better than anyone can understand me.

My phone rang, it was my friend, and I pressed the silence mode of the phone to go it silent and didn’t bother to receive it. I brought my normal appearance on my face back and I could hear people talking near me.

Before leaving the place where I spend few minutes of my life, I saw this beautiful serene scene. I was gazing at the splendid view. The view was full of virginity and all I wanted to do was to capture it,  I started taking some snaps. When I was taking some random photographs with my digital Samsung camera, I saw a group of kids doing chatter batter…..and all I could remember was a boy commenting on camera, actually my camera unknowing that I could understand Nepali he said;

Aajkal yesto digital camera sabai ko haat ma huncha yaar, baru tyesto (pointing to foreigner’s DSLR) po ta heabby dammi huncha yaar. Photo pani heabby dammi aucha.(These day everyone has such camera in everyone’s hand but gesturing with his expressions to a foreigner’s DSLR, those cameras are damn good and the photographs are damn good as well)

I left the place with a smile and with a moment in my camera. I was back to my own track.

 ~Smile to life~

how i wish to sit here again, so let the October month fall again~ C yah

the only boat which added a beauty to the scene!

One fine Saturday evening..

It was a Saturday evening; I was on my foot down the swyambhu street.I was following my way to get to my destination. I saw an old Tibetan woman walking slowly looking down very carefully as if like she has lost something.
She looked really old. She might be over 70 and she looked really weak. Actually She looked like any ordinary Tibetan old
Grannies of her age who would collect mantras and circumambulation around Boudhanath and Swyambhu stupa.
She was wearing heavy Tibetan dress which was grey in color and had well-matched with a woolen sweater. She was wearing brown hat to protect herself from the heat of the sun. She had a round face, full of wrinkles, small eyes which winked often, she was wearing a thick power glass which seemed like, it had been remain unrepaired and one can easily notice the thread which had been nicely supporting one side of her Spectacle. She was wearing an interesting shoe which looked quite expensive as it had its name tag written “Adidas”.
Suddenly, my eyes caught on the back bag she was carrying. She was carrying two jumbo empty bottles of coke and sprite which grabbed my attention for a while which naturally aroused a kind of curiosity in me and I could not stop myself from asking the reason.
“Momola (Respect word pronounced to grannies in Tibetan) why are you carrying those empty bottles in your back bag”. 
She turned to me carefully and gave a beautiful smile. I was right there waiting for question to be answered. But without a single word, she left and continued to her walk. I was like Numb, and got lost as she didn’t even utter a word and left in silent. I felt like one of the statues around the Swoyambhu. With the confusion in my head I asked to myself  “God! Did I ask something wrong or it was too bad to question?”
I turned to her and found out that she had kept the distance of 10 to 15 steps and was still walking slowly. With the questions in my head I walked fast and followed her steps. Within no time I was soon by her side. I acted as if nothing really happened and stayed confident as if I didn’t get rejection. It was funny that, I was actually searching for a way to create a situation where we can share some words. We were sharing every steps together but without any word. If anyone would see us then, they would surely think that we are like a granny and a granddaughter walking together. This was really funny and I was still trying my best to start a word but was still scared if she would pass by me without a word. As I was walking with every pace with her, I would slightly look at her and try to smile again and again to make her feel good that I am trying to give her company but to my bad luck that was completely in her own world. She was still walking with her head down as if like she doesn’t care anything about what’s going around her. Silence remained for a while, I took a deep breath if disappointment and pouted face I was about to say her good bye. Without more ado, asked me
“Bhumo (girl pronounced in Tibetan) where are you from?” 
I was completely shocked and very happy that finally she spoke to me. My eyes wide open, with a polite expression on my face, I replied

“Momola, I am from Boudha” I smiled at her and finally this time she noticed me giving her smile. I was like “yes I did it”. 
She looked at me carefully and actually she was trying to read my expression. I stayed still with a smiling face. She again looked at me and asked
“So the empty bottles In my bag made u walk with me right?” 
I turned to her and said “Do you know you are beautiful and I am sure you must have been very beautiful when you were young.” 

With a loud laugh and slightly touching her eye glass, she said “you are very clever “. 
She instantly said "Everyday around this time I come here to do circumambulation, at the same time I bring two or three bottles to fill up water”. 

With the water in her back bag, she had to walk like around half an hour by her walk to get to her place. She was frequently reciting mantras with the thread of beads while talking. Her hands were dry and all wrinkled, her nails were long but clean. She would often touches her eyes, seemed like she had an eye infection. Her words were not clear while talking so I was like Lah Lah?( I beg your pardon, in a polite way). Through our short conversation I came to know that she was staying at the ‘old age home’, and she would get like hundred rupees every month for expenses from the old aged home. I was thinking, what a woman of her age would do with hundred rupees a month and what can it cover of her needs. Questions rolled over me and at the same time, the Green colored note with the rhino animals print of it haunted in front of me. 

With so many questions in my head, i was feeling confused, whether I should ask them or not. I thought this is the moment I have to capture and to get to know her. So I swiftly asked “ if she had a family or children?” 
She stood silence for while. I know the question wasn’t difficult but the question itself had emotional stories of her life.
We took a rest at one of the bench beside the road where there were beautiful flowers. She turned to the left side (I was at her right side) and took deep breath. She slightly put her bag on her lap and uttered in a soft voice “bhumo (girl pronounced in Tibetan) I had a very loving husband, who was a soldier and lost his life in a battle. I have a son who is hanging here and there wasting time and doesn't really care if m alive or dead. I have a daughter who is married and staying with her in laws family. While she was talking about her daughter, she prayed for her good future with her husband. 

I could see the tears in her eyes twinkling like the bright diamonds. And those diamonds were priceless. The tears could not stay for long in eyes, it drenched her dried face. I am sure within those teardrops she had immense of hidden pain and emotional feelings which she might be hiding from everyone. This moment was indeed depressing but this certain moment of tears made me sink into someone’s life which actually made me know life from a different sight.
There was a fruit stall nearby us, I bought her some fruits and handed them to her. Suddenly my cell phone rang it was my friend yelling at me through the phone for making her wait for long. I gave a smile to her in a hope to get a smile back. She smiled and it was indeed a million dollar smile for me. I asked for the permission to leave and said good bye to her. She gently put her hands on my head wished me a good future. I still remember her selfless words whenever I am sad.
That very moment, I learnt that no matter how much we are touched by the pain and suffering, we can still make our life beautiful with love and hope. We should never hurt our parents. Even if we are having the larger than life happiness, what is the value of that happiness if our parents are shedding tears somewhere in the corner? Even if we have only a single bread to eat, we can make that single bread a happy satisfying meal if we think of trying with love. 

I hope she remembers me sometimes, with a hope and with lots of love for the Momola, i will wish to see her beautiful wrinkle face with the same million dollar smile on her face.

Photographs are taken by Miss dolkaa a wanderer.

Smile to Life.