Never ending Nightingale Nights..

Couple of stress weeks passed since I encountered what I have been avoiding to face.  It’s hard time to take in the air when the moment you caught a lie from the person you give over yourself, the moment when you feel deceived, the moment when you feel naïve not to notice the alarming threats of multiple cheats and the moment when you feel you are worthless.

There is nothing I can do nor can I bring changes in everything that is going around or that has been going around. I am closely introduced with this practical fact know that Regretting for something you have never done is the foolish way to waste time and energy but sometimes being wise seems a problem at certain level of time.

Phur phur phuurrrrr shu shu shu…let all this thoughts go away…

Its 10:08 pm, Date 24/7/2012
my long hair all set freely over my shoulders, neatly dried after the wash.
I rest my back on the wall with the support of the pillow to comfort me when I am lonesome.
Wiped the kaajol and mascara with the wet-tissue papers and placed it on the nearby table. The eye-glass resting on my nose to comfort my eyes, I took the book and turned to the book to page 197. I am reading and I hope I can occupy my uneasy mind for a while now.

i don't want to make my life like a book.

Mashutzo Writes.

Strange everywhere~

Everything seems strange.
why????
May be because I am strange…
May be the people around me are strange…
May be I am close by a strange surrounding….
May be Strange thoughts are haunting me…
May be strange is there because everything was totally strange from the very beginning….

Strange people,
Strange behaviors,
Strange characters,
Strange thinking,
Strange views,
Strange everything,

Everything is Strange. Totally strange; it seems peculiar to me all of sudden now. Yes, everything is weird around me, the people and everything related to the people. I hate the fact that everything around me is going thoroughly weird not wonderful.

Mashutzo writes.

Deja'Vu morning....

Boudhanath Stupa;

place to purify  body, speech and mind

Brushed my teeth, washed my face, and with a lazy expression on my face, I walked from home.

It was 6:30 in the morning 10^th of july 2012…Location Boudha.

I walked through the cozy and narrow way inside the Boudha-Stupa. With the mystified mind carrying heavily with me, I was surely thinking something which I realized when I reached the place where I normally get seated, had no idea how I reached there at once.

I watched around, it was the same place and same faces but the place looked bit crowded.

I came after a while for the prostrations as I was occupied with my schedules, which turned out to be confused thing for me.

I opened my bag. I placed the shawl on the wooden board where prostrations are practice, made my things available at its respective places and got comfortably seated. I could see the eyes of the Boudha-Stupa and felt the feeling that they can ease everything. But the reality hits, I was right there seated with puzzled mind.

How long the eyes of Boudha-Stupa can ease me with my mystified mind??? Still unknown….

I didn’t know, if I should feel fortunate to see the new sun-rise of the new day to utilize it in a better way or should I be feeling unpleasant about the fact that nothing works by keeping the positive mind only. The only thing I knew that very moment was, I was inhaling air, I was experiencing the fresh morning clear blue sky, and I was hearing the pigeons while picking the grains from the earth. Lucky Pigeons…

My mind was off for a while.

The smell of sweats of the guy next to me woke me. I acted as if nothing was bothering. I turned to my left and saw a young Nepali guy with curly hair and a back-bag beside him; his eyes shut, I am sure he was more intended on inhaling and exhaling….

Then I turned to my right and saw the same regular Uncle who comes every morning and evening for the prostrations. He gestured to ask me; when did I arrive?

I just nodded my head…was that an answer for his question?

Everyone around me were busy chanting mantras, practicing meditations and prostrations and I was seeking something…it was certainly PEACE of mind….

Sometimes and several times this happens to me when I seek answers from everywhere for the number of questions….Many times the questions remained unanswered. This happened this morning too.

And I walked off with unanswered questions again……

P.S Photos donka.

 Mashutzo writes..

Still moving~

After a decades,
I spotted the face again,
the same face, I saw years and years back,
among the crowd with the familiar Smile to hit those blurred  days.
It’s all about once ‘upon a time’ now,
everything that was beautiful, is nowhere to be seen,
everything that had happened is nowhere to be witness,
everything has changed,
everything is still going fine….
it’s just that the ways have taken a different turn…then there changed ‘WE’ along with time….



Mashutzo Writes.

Conductor Dai,

I was in hurry to get in and grab a seat in the Blue Local-Bus from ‘Nepal Yatayat’ to Boudha with my sister. I didn’t see anything than the free seats on the 3^rd row of the left side. I took out my ‘made-in-china’ fancy hand-fan and gave myself some relief from the exhausting sunny day. I pushed the window-glass fully backward and was ready to enjoy some breezy air.

My sister was trying to take a nap as she leaned against my shoulder and the song of Bob Dylan ‘blowing in the wind’ was just so right for the weary day. I was only watching the people by the road, the small stalls where I witnessed that, selling a piece of cigarette seemed more important than feeding her infant child, a middle aged woman roasting the corns in the such killing temperature was shouting at her husband in front of people and if anyone expects a reason I don’t really have it, then there I saw a woman who was running along with the speed of the bus just to sell a bottle of mineral water. The sweats dropping from her forehead and her hairs all messed up with the dust covered-look showed she is having hard time indeed. It was like overall watching where I stand at that time and the only difference was the twenty five Nepali rupees that made me take that so-called a bit comfort and shaky seat of that Blue Local Bus where I was witnessing the activities going roughly. I was just looking around. The bus was moving as the conductor was shouting to pile more and more passengers to have healthy Dal-bhat for the day. Well he surely deserves a food meal after all……as if like someone cares, (jokes a part).

Someone banged on the right near to my seat from the outside and the bus stopped. I took my head out of window to check who it was, my eyes caught by the middle aged man whose nose was covered with a mask leaving his mouth freely as he was shouting continuously to bring more passengers in and was telling the passengers inside to make space for other pending passengers. With a simple framed spectacle, a faded navy cap he looked as if he belongs to a well settled family but his dark tanned skin sparkling sweats has something else to say.  He was, the conductor.

Everyone in the bus was quiet. No one complained a bit about the cramped situation. I was ok as I was sitting by the window seat and was wondering why he has to work as a conductor in a Local-Bus? Does he have a family? The money he gets from the conductor job, could it be enough for him and his family? If he has kids, how does he manage to pay for them? How many times a day he eats? And the major question that was hitting me was; why he chose to be a conductor??

Everyone has their own part of stories and problem; maybe he has his own shares of problem in life.

I hurriedly took out the mobile from my brown leather bag as the conductor was intensely shouting outside to bring more passengers. He saw me with the mobile and I acted as if I got a call, then taking the chance of his occupied mind, I quietly took a photo of him shouting at the people. I am glad he didn’t hear the sound of camera, thanks to the ‘thotorey’ local bus of Kathmandu city….

We got off at the chabahil and my sister handed him 50 rupees note and said ‘ek jana ko student id cha’ “tyau” “but to our surprise he didn’t give us off on the student id and the bus left with its speed.

the only photo i could possibly get  at that moment from my phone...., glad he didn't hear the click sound :D 

Mashutzo writes.

Those Wind-bells...

We met under the shadows of the trees and we walked quietly listening to footsteps avoiding the bustling world.
Shyness in the conversation made us feel flimsy as heat of the sun bothered along the way.
The sound of the wind-bells somehow lured the dull moment.
The few minutes of the winds lingered the feelings of lonesome, and I don’t know why.

Mashutzo Writes

sister's post~

its always an amazing feeling to see how the little ones who watches and imitates everything what i do,stands to my height in no time, understands every bit of hard-time and the value of happiness....
we are connected as a women, and sisterhood is what makes it perfect~. i lately knew my little sister turned to a complete lady at the very beginning of the 20's, 
p.s- stop using my lipstick lol :P 

Mashutzo Writes