single weeping soul...

photograph-> dolka a serene view from chiwang Monastery, solu.

A weeping soul,
there she was,
with those runny eyes,
her legs tied in mystified world,
the more she struggle to liberate herself,
the other soreness she experienced,
she was nothing than an expert in déjà vu pains,
there left no substitute for her,
than being patient in the pain,
and those were all in vain.

Mashutzo writes.

trapped eyes in the darkness....

There it was,
an empty room,
an empty space,
spacious.
Moved here and there,
found nothing,
only smokes and darkness,
where I could hardly see anything.
It was shadowy that ended up seeing only eyes,
they sparkled,
they said stories,
they listened,
they were the Eyes of dreams,
searching the meaning of Life,
trying to console self,
everything will be alright,
But it was nothing but a lie,
spreading in the space of the empty room.
The eyes dropped tears of disappointment.
And settled there for another hope,
another hope to get the answers,
answers of the unknown pain,
which was piercing deep within the heart,
scratching its all skin out.

Mashutzo writes.

talking to the Walls again

I am talking to the walls again…
I am sharing words with them…
but I hear no words in return…..
But the sign of comfort is there…since the words I have whispered are all going to be within us only..

Mashutzo Writes.

vanishing words...

When the words printed in these flags can fade away…How possibly can we rely on the words someone has whispered in the chilly cold night?

Mashutzo Writes.

i store everything in a photograph and i smile recalling the moments.....

i have a picture of myself in my own imagination,
every place i walk,
Everything i eat,
everything i do,
every word i utter,

every action i am involved,
every sin i attempt,
every wise thoughts i plant,
every tear i hide,
every happiness i capture,
every plan i make,
every decision i take,
every people i get in connect with,
every smile i store..

And at the end of the day, i recall everything..
then i sometimes have the pleasant sleep and sometimes i am stunned...

 — at Siddhipur,lalitpur.


Mashutzo Writes.

Every now and then...

Basking in sun...There i go feeling the same feelings whenever i come to this place...and the feeling is not mutual...Its the wrapped and concealed feelings that comes and sometimes fades away leaving a Sad-Face by the corner in a mysterious way and never forgets to return back again.



Mashutzo Writes.

No clues...

I paused my life for a second.
I found myself Quiet.
I had no words to say to myself.
I was trying to listen if there was something coming from within me.
I heard nothing.
I saw no signs of any conversation within me.
I paused “My-Life” for a minute more, then waited for a voice to guide me.
But again hushed air saddened me with no clues……

Mashutzo Writes.

Distance~

Thank-You bipen for the candid photograph...

Sometimes distance just makes us know who we are,
sometimes distance just teaches us who we should be,
sometimes distance just gives us wise results,
sometimes distance snatches everything from Us.

Sometimes we hate the distance,
sometimes we cherish the distance,
sometimes we create the distance for good,
and sometimes we find Lost in that distance.

The feeling of coldness comes along the distance,
There we go charging more distance,
Then we find ourselves standing far across the broken bridge,
where we can’t walk again~

Mashutzo Writes!

caught in between the thoughts...

The laughter,

Loud noises,

Preferable music to make your mood go soothe,

The every silly and logical conversation,

The people who make you smile with the moment…

There you go,

Forgetting everything,

You go forgetting who you were minutes before,

You go stopping the doubts,

You go seeing a different person in that moment,

There you go witnessing a different You.

But…

The moment you leave that state of moment,

You find yourself in the real world where you belong,
Wrapped in that silent-room among the four walls,

You feel the Real you,
You see the Real You,

‘Real’ who was once lost few minutes ago,

All enveloped in the world of puzzled questions,

You go seeking the answers single-handedly,

You then left with only the questions.

Mashutzo Writes.

My morning walk with my thoughts...

The start of the best way...

i jumped several times to get the beautiful photograph...

Voooooohoooooo Good Morgan everyone and me...

The beautiful part of the morning....wonder why do people say there isn't any right place for morning walks in kathmandu...

It’s been few days now that I have been jogging. Jogging is not only about setting the Alarm; it’s about rubbing your eyes in the dark morning and rising, shining along with the alarm. I  am sincerely fond of sleeping late till the late morning and that late morning breakfast when everyone around you seemed rush to offices and colleges but you still have that amount of time to ease yourself with everything.

Morning jogging goes best when you coincidently encounter with the good-looking guy from your locality around the same place you go every morning. Well this sounds like the cherry on the cake. Kidding, he is already married and I can’t dare to look at him when I personally have the knowledge that he already has tied knot with someone who is very healthy *trying to sound mean here*. Since I love my health, I just don’t want to risk it.

Anyway, jogging is going pretty well and I am loving the fact that I am doing good, warming up early in the morning around 5 and seeing people faces that early morning is a different feeling.

Today morning I witnessed this beautiful morning sun-rays and I was delighted to notice them with my eyes. I instantly took my phone out and started taking picture of the beautiful morning.

Mashutzo Writes...

Random thought on a piece of napkin...

One thing that rolls in woman’s heart about man are certainly “Is he strong enough to be my man to cherish this life from a different approach”.

A woman goes thinking hard “alright all and all a strong-man desires is a wise, homely and loving woman beside him to keep the pace with him if he stumbles”

But how fool of her is that; she lately comprehends the fact that all he wanted was a muted, deaf but beautiful Dummy.

I-was having dinner in one of the regular restaurant in Thamel. When something was going in my mind like ufff i can't even put in the form of words, then i quickly took the napkin and searched for the pen then started to jot them down before i go forgetting everything when i am in-front of the laptop to post something in my blog and it had happened many times. This is the reason why i always keep a pen in my make-up kit.

Venue-Hankook Sarang, Thamel.

Date-14/8/2012.

Time- 8 pm.

Mashutzo Writes.

LoneSome questions????

standing in or out of the crowd doesn't really make any difference to me, i stand who i am stubborn or whatever, i would rather be lonely than being with the wrong personalities.

I live in a city of large communities where people are lonesome together. 
I sometimes or frequently feel lonesome, don't you?
I am sure there are people out there in branded attire and shoes who are feeling what I am feeling.
I am sure there are people who are hiding so much inside and feeling the loneliest person in the world.

You have your own dear siblings at home and seeking for someone outside home to share your inner feeling???
You are newly married to a long term boyfriend and staying home alone on weekends??
You have numbers of friends to hang-out but still searching for the right name to dial??
You have people approaching you for dinner but still waiting for the right one to come over??
You had huge crush on her/ him and waiting if that person comes up with a step??
You love your wife, but knowing and unknowingly you cheated on her back, guilty and looking for a way to conceal the mistake??
You yourself got rid of the relation, now you are regretting on your own decision??

Damn, What is this???

Mashutzo Write.

Never ending Nightingale Nights..

Couple of stress weeks passed since I encountered what I have been avoiding to face.  It’s hard time to take in the air when the moment you caught a lie from the person you give over yourself, the moment when you feel deceived, the moment when you feel naïve not to notice the alarming threats of multiple cheats and the moment when you feel you are worthless.

There is nothing I can do nor can I bring changes in everything that is going around or that has been going around. I am closely introduced with this practical fact know that Regretting for something you have never done is the foolish way to waste time and energy but sometimes being wise seems a problem at certain level of time.

Phur phur phuurrrrr shu shu shu…let all this thoughts go away…

Its 10:08 pm, Date 24/7/2012
my long hair all set freely over my shoulders, neatly dried after the wash.
I rest my back on the wall with the support of the pillow to comfort me when I am lonesome.
Wiped the kaajol and mascara with the wet-tissue papers and placed it on the nearby table. The eye-glass resting on my nose to comfort my eyes, I took the book and turned to the book to page 197. I am reading and I hope I can occupy my uneasy mind for a while now.

i don't want to make my life like a book.

Mashutzo Writes.

Deja'Vu morning....

Boudhanath Stupa;

place to purify  body, speech and mind

Brushed my teeth, washed my face, and with a lazy expression on my face, I walked from home.

It was 6:30 in the morning 10^th of july 2012…Location Boudha.

I walked through the cozy and narrow way inside the Boudha-Stupa. With the mystified mind carrying heavily with me, I was surely thinking something which I realized when I reached the place where I normally get seated, had no idea how I reached there at once.

I watched around, it was the same place and same faces but the place looked bit crowded.

I came after a while for the prostrations as I was occupied with my schedules, which turned out to be confused thing for me.

I opened my bag. I placed the shawl on the wooden board where prostrations are practice, made my things available at its respective places and got comfortably seated. I could see the eyes of the Boudha-Stupa and felt the feeling that they can ease everything. But the reality hits, I was right there seated with puzzled mind.

How long the eyes of Boudha-Stupa can ease me with my mystified mind??? Still unknown….

I didn’t know, if I should feel fortunate to see the new sun-rise of the new day to utilize it in a better way or should I be feeling unpleasant about the fact that nothing works by keeping the positive mind only. The only thing I knew that very moment was, I was inhaling air, I was experiencing the fresh morning clear blue sky, and I was hearing the pigeons while picking the grains from the earth. Lucky Pigeons…

My mind was off for a while.

The smell of sweats of the guy next to me woke me. I acted as if nothing was bothering. I turned to my left and saw a young Nepali guy with curly hair and a back-bag beside him; his eyes shut, I am sure he was more intended on inhaling and exhaling….

Then I turned to my right and saw the same regular Uncle who comes every morning and evening for the prostrations. He gestured to ask me; when did I arrive?

I just nodded my head…was that an answer for his question?

Everyone around me were busy chanting mantras, practicing meditations and prostrations and I was seeking something…it was certainly PEACE of mind….

Sometimes and several times this happens to me when I seek answers from everywhere for the number of questions….Many times the questions remained unanswered. This happened this morning too.

And I walked off with unanswered questions again……

P.S Photos donka.

 Mashutzo writes..

Still moving~

After a decades,
I spotted the face again,
the same face, I saw years and years back,
among the crowd with the familiar Smile to hit those blurred  days.
It’s all about once ‘upon a time’ now,
everything that was beautiful, is nowhere to be seen,
everything that had happened is nowhere to be witness,
everything has changed,
everything is still going fine….
it’s just that the ways have taken a different turn…then there changed ‘WE’ along with time….



Mashutzo Writes.

Conductor Dai,

I was in hurry to get in and grab a seat in the Blue Local-Bus from ‘Nepal Yatayat’ to Boudha with my sister. I didn’t see anything than the free seats on the 3^rd row of the left side. I took out my ‘made-in-china’ fancy hand-fan and gave myself some relief from the exhausting sunny day. I pushed the window-glass fully backward and was ready to enjoy some breezy air.

My sister was trying to take a nap as she leaned against my shoulder and the song of Bob Dylan ‘blowing in the wind’ was just so right for the weary day. I was only watching the people by the road, the small stalls where I witnessed that, selling a piece of cigarette seemed more important than feeding her infant child, a middle aged woman roasting the corns in the such killing temperature was shouting at her husband in front of people and if anyone expects a reason I don’t really have it, then there I saw a woman who was running along with the speed of the bus just to sell a bottle of mineral water. The sweats dropping from her forehead and her hairs all messed up with the dust covered-look showed she is having hard time indeed. It was like overall watching where I stand at that time and the only difference was the twenty five Nepali rupees that made me take that so-called a bit comfort and shaky seat of that Blue Local Bus where I was witnessing the activities going roughly. I was just looking around. The bus was moving as the conductor was shouting to pile more and more passengers to have healthy Dal-bhat for the day. Well he surely deserves a food meal after all……as if like someone cares, (jokes a part).

Someone banged on the right near to my seat from the outside and the bus stopped. I took my head out of window to check who it was, my eyes caught by the middle aged man whose nose was covered with a mask leaving his mouth freely as he was shouting continuously to bring more passengers in and was telling the passengers inside to make space for other pending passengers. With a simple framed spectacle, a faded navy cap he looked as if he belongs to a well settled family but his dark tanned skin sparkling sweats has something else to say.  He was, the conductor.

Everyone in the bus was quiet. No one complained a bit about the cramped situation. I was ok as I was sitting by the window seat and was wondering why he has to work as a conductor in a Local-Bus? Does he have a family? The money he gets from the conductor job, could it be enough for him and his family? If he has kids, how does he manage to pay for them? How many times a day he eats? And the major question that was hitting me was; why he chose to be a conductor??

Everyone has their own part of stories and problem; maybe he has his own shares of problem in life.

I hurriedly took out the mobile from my brown leather bag as the conductor was intensely shouting outside to bring more passengers. He saw me with the mobile and I acted as if I got a call, then taking the chance of his occupied mind, I quietly took a photo of him shouting at the people. I am glad he didn’t hear the sound of camera, thanks to the ‘thotorey’ local bus of Kathmandu city….

We got off at the chabahil and my sister handed him 50 rupees note and said ‘ek jana ko student id cha’ “tyau” “but to our surprise he didn’t give us off on the student id and the bus left with its speed.

the only photo i could possibly get  at that moment from my phone...., glad he didn't hear the click sound :D 

Mashutzo writes.

Those Wind-bells...

We met under the shadows of the trees and we walked quietly listening to footsteps avoiding the bustling world.
Shyness in the conversation made us feel flimsy as heat of the sun bothered along the way.
The sound of the wind-bells somehow lured the dull moment.
The few minutes of the winds lingered the feelings of lonesome, and I don’t know why.

Mashutzo Writes

sister's post~

its always an amazing feeling to see how the little ones who watches and imitates everything what i do,stands to my height in no time, understands every bit of hard-time and the value of happiness....
we are connected as a women, and sisterhood is what makes it perfect~. i lately knew my little sister turned to a complete lady at the very beginning of the 20's, 
p.s- stop using my lipstick lol :P 

Mashutzo Writes

Heavenly time~

one who experienced only the light can never say what Darkness is like,
I experienced the both and i can say darkness is too beautiful in its own way,  and i am pushed  to have this moment with darkness.

Ceiling,
white Ceiling,
Clear Ceiling,
No! it’s the Clear and Clean Ceiling,
that has hypnotized me under its shelter.
There’s nothing up there,
There’s nothing I would love to look intently for long,
There’s nothing I could control either,
Because there is this state of mind where I couldn’t  just control over.
Craziness,
insanity,
waste of Time or whatever you call it,
I call it my moment of time to Recall those gone Times,
which wouldn’t dare to turn around for good or bad~
Happy being wrapped among the four dead walls,
i hear the thunders piercing through ceilings,
and i hear the rain-drops scratching through the dark clouds,
and there i lie silently with all my consciousness,
recalling everything, i have missed so far, everything i ought to  over-looked.

~Mashutzo Writes~

drifting feelings~

With the each new day welcoming the bright new sunrays,
I expect the day to bring something new,
and there I go hoping.
But every time I am positive about my wills,
the same monotonous obstacles hold me back in the tight knot,

This is how I now love to walk with the tedious obstacles.
The more I push them, the more they chase me,
leaving  me lonesome in the state of mystification,
But so certain of the fact,
I don’t aim to have them till the last breath.

Mashutzo Writes~